Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Lay the place to waste like.

They were given paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it.

Faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is little, so it's easy to fill. As you get older, the glass gets bigger. The same amount of liquid doesn't fill it. But periodically the glass has to be refilled.

— You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower.
— I can't wait to die.

— So what do we do now?
— I say we get drunk, kids — because I'm all out of ideas.

So please — before you think about hurting someone over this trifle of a film, remember: even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus.

Then this failed experiment called existence will cease to be.

Bethany: — It's been a while since physics but I would think the impact with which you hit would have liquefied you.
Rufus: — Death is a worry of the living. The dead, like myself, only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.
Jay: — Told you he was the undead.

Your continued existence is a mockery of morality.

It doesn't have that "wrath of the Almighty" edge to it. How am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this?

— You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for 10 minutes.
— My experience is that the average male is never a man not even for 10 minutes in his entire life span.
— That sounds militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
— Couldn't do it. Women are insane.

We were sent by Him who is called I Am!

— For example, I'm responsible for 19 of the 20 top-grossing films of all time.
— Nineteen?
— Yeah. The one about the kid by himself in his house burglars trying to come in and he fights them off I had nothing to do with that one. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get grosses up on that piece of shit.

Snoogans. Did you see that shit, man?

Mr. McGhee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

More importantly, he's also a human being a condition which carries two liabilities. A conscience and a short life span.