Bartleby (Barry)

Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Lay the place to waste like.

They were given paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it.

Then this failed experiment called existence will cease to be.

Your continued existence is a mockery of morality.

Mr. McGhee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

More importantly, he's also a human being a condition which carries two liabilities. A conscience and a short life span.

Had we been given free will, we could choose to ignore the pain, like they do. But no! We're servants!

— You know, here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there is a God. You've been in his presence. He's spoken to you personally. Yet I heard you claim to be atheist.
— I like to fuck with the clergy. I just love it. I love to keep those guys on their toes.

— Our last four days on earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. But we can do the next best thing.
— What's that?
— Let's kill people.

— One of the last sacred promises imparted to Peter the first Pope by the Son of God before He left was: «Whatever you hold true on earth...»
— «I'll hold true in Heaven».

— What's your proof?
— He's wearing a wedding band.
— And it never occurred to you that maybe she's his wife?
— No married man kisses his wife like that.
— Okay. Well, it's a good thing you were never the deciding member on a jury is all I'm saying. "No married man kisses his wife like that"? Are you stoned?

Take it and quit leering at me. People will think I broke up with you.

— Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.
— You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus.

— Here's what I don't get about you. Why do you feel the need to come to this place all the time?
— My friend, because this is humanity at its best. Look at them. All that anger, all that mistrust, all that unhappiness... forgotten for that one perfect moment when they get off the plane. See those two? That guy doesn't know that the girl cheated on him while she was away.
— She did?
— Twice.
— Nice.
— But it doesn't matter right now... because they're just both so relieved to be with one another. I like that. I wish they could all feel that way more often.

— My ex-husband sort of screwed up my relationship awareness barometer.
— You're divorced.
— That's a nice way of putting it. I call it being dumped.
— I was dumped once.
— Don't you just constantly question your value? Like, why was I so easy to cast aside?
— And you wonder if the other party is gonna come to their senses and call you back.
— And they always tell you it'll hurt less with time.
— When actually it hurts more.
— You know what we need?
— What do we need?
— We need drinks. We need a lot of drinks.