Jay and Silent Bob Reboot

— And even though me and Silent Bob saved the world, all these Catholics got pissed off at us anyway.
— Fuck them if they can't take a joke. Snoogans.

— Which is probably what Bluntman v Chronic is gonna be, because the director of this impending abortion of cinema is none other than Kevin fucking Smith.
— Who?
— You know, the guy who directed that Bruce Willis winner, Cop Out.
— That queef. They still let him make movies after that walrus shit?
— What can I tell you, in Hollywood, people fail upwards.
— I fucking hate stupid Kevin Smith, first, he took away our names, then he took away my dick. Well, we gotta stop stupid Kevin Smith from making another shitty movie about Jay and Silent Bob ever again.

After all these years, what kind of broken fucks still wanna watch this Jay and Silent Bob bullshit anyway?

What? You want me to order for you? I don't want your v-gina touching my burgers. Come on, dude. That's why you don't get laid, sir, because women love meat in their mouth, and you ain't nothing but a broccoli bitch.

Hollywood doesn't make sequels anymore. Shit, they don't even make squeakquels, yo.

I'm Jay and this is my hetero lifemate, Silent Bob.

— Mister, what's your name?
— Fuck you, that's my name.

Now who's stupid, you dirty sheepfucker?

— I'm married, Jay.
— Ew, you're fucking married?

I'm stable as a table.

We feed every need for weed, son.

— Why are you dressed like all these people?
— All these people are dressed like us.

Look at these morose motherfuckers right here. Smells like somebody shit in their cereal. Bong.

— No way, man. That guy wears jorts. This guy would never wear jorts.
— What the fuck are jorts?
— Jean shorts.

I hate this guy. He forces his kid to be in everything he makes.

Fuck me up the vegan ass. I'm gonna get my cow tipper on.