Rachel Green

— So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
— What I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
— Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?

— What's that?
— My new beeper.
— Why does a paleontologist need a beeper?
— Is it for dinosaur emergencies? Help. They're still extinct.

— No accountants. And no one from "legal". I don't like boring jobs.
— And Ross was what? A lion tamer?

— Go tell him he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?
— He could hear me.

— What are you doing?
— Storming out.
— It's your apartment.
— Yeah? Well, that's how mad I am!

— Don't say that I have no sentiment. This is a movie stub from our first date. This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed. This is from the museum, the first time we... were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter.
— I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Though... you're not supposed to take these. It's like a million years old. We actually... We have people looking for that.

— You can't live off your parents your whole life.
— I know that. That's why I was getting married.

Ross Geller: — We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies you have to show her your pee-pee.
Chandler Bing: — You know, I don't see that happening.
Rachel Green: — Come on. He's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler Bing: — Well, I'm not showing you my tat!

— Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
— Yeah, it's beautiful.

Monica Geller: — Let it go. It's not a big deal.
Ross Geller: — Not a big deal? It's amazing. You reach in, there's one maneuver and bam! A bra. Right out the sleeve. As far as I know, guys don't do anything that comes close. Right?
Rachel Green: — Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler Bing: — We can? Okay, I'm trying that.

— Hey. How was basketball?
— It was fun. Right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye.
— Oh, no. Who did that?
— Chandler.

— Wait. What am I gonna do?
— You? You go long.
— Well, how long?
— Until we start to look very small.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?

— Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality sphinx cat.
— How much did you pay for that?
— It was extravagant, but I got a good deal.
— How much?
— Thousand bucks.
— On a cat?
— My grandma had one when I was little. It was the sweetest thing. It would sit in my lap and just purr all day long. I would drag a string and it would chase it.
— Free cats do that too, you know.

— I think about whose apartment we'll sleep at tomorrow and where we'll have dinner next Saturday! I do not think about our children's names! You know what our children's names will be?
— Ha, ha, no. No, I mean, you know. I read a book, and there was a girl named Emily. And I thought that might be good.
— What was the book?
— The Big Book of Children's Names.

Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.