Friends [Season 2]

— Is that the fire alarm?
— Yeah. Oh, it's not warm yet. We still have time.

— Why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
— Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
— Next time you shower... think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.

— Do you ever, uh, think about the future?
— Sure, I do.
— Yeah? Am I in it?
— Honey... you are it.
— Oh, God. You're about to get so lucky.

We're two heterosexual guys hanging with the son... of our other heterosexual friend, doing the usual straight-guy stuff.

— Go tell him he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?
— He could hear me.

— Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
— Yeah, sure.
— By someone besides Monica?
— No.

— So who broke up with who?
— You kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
— When everybody knows that the, uh, capital of Cambodia is... Is, uh...
— It's not Sean Penn.

You know what they say: Ask your slippers a question... you're going crazy.

— You don't believe in gravity?
— Well, it's not so much that, you know, I don't believe in it. Lately I get the feeling that... I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

— Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
— Okay, think. Think. What would Jack and Chrissy do?

— I got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
— How do you find clothes that fit?

You know, I once dated a Miss Cranky Pants. Lovely girl. Kind of moody.

Sometimes men love women.
And sometimes men love men.
Then there are bisexuals,
though some just say they're kidding themselves

— Hi, Tony, can I call you back? That's, uh... That's my sister's boyfriend.
— Give me that. Okay. Sweetie, before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your place? Hi, Mom.

— Are you naked in there?
— Well, not exactly. I'm wearing panties.
— Huh. You, uh, always wear panties?
— No, no. This is the first time.
— Wow. Talk about your bad luck! I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.

It's not that your friend is bad. It's that she's so bad... she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain... and swirl it around.