Phoebe Buffay

— Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
— Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

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— So I figured it out.
— What?
— Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. I'm not sexy enough.
— Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said?
— What?
— I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."

— Possession of an illegal exotic is punishable... by two years in prison and confiscation of the animal.
— Oh, my God! You'd put that poor little creature in jail?

— Oh, I am having the best karma this week. <...>
— What about that, uh, bike messenger you hit?
— Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.

He's sweet, but it's not fun anymore. I don't know if it's me or his hunger strike, I don't know.

You always see these beautiful women with "nothing" guys. You could be one of those guys.

— Can you hear anything?
— Yeah, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"

Did you notice how he always starts his stories with, um: "Okay, I was so wasted," or, "Oh, we were so bombed." Or, um, "So I wake up and I'm in this Dumpster in Connecticut."

— Hey, what is all that?
— It's a web site. It's the Guggenheim Museum. She likes art... and I like funny words.

— We ordered the Joey Special.
— Two pizzas?

— Oh! It kicked. I think the baby kicked.
— Oh, my God.
— Ha, ha. Oh, no, wait. Oh. That was the elastic in my underwear busted.

— The One With the List. All right, check out this bad boy! Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive... built-in spreadsheet capabilities... and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
— What will you use it for?
— Games and stuff.

New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me it is not scary
Because I stay away from dairy

— Hey, Pheebs. You know what I'm thinking?
— Oh, okay. How... it's been so long since you've had sex... you're wondering if they've changed it?
— No. Although now that's what I'm thinking.

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