Two And A Half Men: Short Quotes

— You know what we call people who say those kinds of things?
— My family?

It takes more than sex to make a man happy. You also need money.

— Wanna know a sure-fire hangover cure? Never stop drinking.

— It is like I have known him all my life.
— I know the feeling. You get over it.

— Charlie!
— What?
— You kicked me in your sleep.
— Who said I was asleep?

Hey, you may think I'm dumb, but you overestimate me!

— Bertha... We're getting a new dad! He's great... He bought us prostitutes and gelato!

— These clothes look stupid.
— You're 10. No one cares.

— Here, put these on.
— I wore these yesterday.
— They're still extremely stylish. Put them on.

— Married men live, on average, 10 years longer than single men.
— What if they don't want to?

Love isn't blind, it's retarded.

Why waste time on 10s when you're already getting rejected by sixes?

— What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
— Well, then you must be, like, the Hulk.