Friends

— Why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
— Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
— Next time you shower... think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.

— No accountants. And no one from "legal". I don't like boring jobs.
— And Ross was what? A lion tamer?

I bet I stopped listening before you did.

— Do you ever, uh, think about the future?
— Sure, I do.
— Yeah? Am I in it?
— Honey... you are it.
— Oh, God. You're about to get so lucky.

— I blame myself.
— And I blame you too.

— I was thinking about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...
— Are they end-to-end, or tall, like pancakes?

Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it!

— I think my marriage... is kind of over.
— Oh, no! Why?
— Because Carol's a lesbian. And I'm not one.

I'm not 22. I'm 25... and 13 months.

— Oh, my God! Something brushed up against my right leg.
— What?
— Oh, it's okay. It was just my left leg.

— Hey, dude! Let me in! I got a girl out here!
— I got a girl in here!
— No, you don't. I saw you go in with Monica.

— So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?
— They found rust. Do you know what rust does to a boat?
— Gives it a nice antique-y look?
— Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
— Wow, I'm sorry. When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.

— Hi.
— This guy says "hello," I wanna kill myself.

— Oh, my God! What happened?
— Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!

— "Heating device."
— Radiator.
— Five letters.
— "Rdtor."

We're two heterosexual guys hanging with the son... of our other heterosexual friend, doing the usual straight-guy stuff.