Ross Geller

— You don't believe in gravity?
— Well, it's not so much that, you know, I don't believe in it. Lately I get the feeling that... I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

— Someone at work ate my sandwich.
— What did the police say?

Ross Geller: — We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies you have to show her your pee-pee.
Chandler Bing: — You know, I don't see that happening.
Rachel Green: — Come on. He's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler Bing: — Well, I'm not showing you my tat!

— I hope she'll be very happy.
— No, you don't.
— No, I don't. To hell with her. She left me!

,234 —> 00:00:37,338
— Guess what happened at work today.
— A dinosaur died a million years ago?

Monica Geller: — Let it go. It's not a big deal.
Ross Geller: — Not a big deal? It's amazing. You reach in, there's one maneuver and bam! A bra. Right out the sleeve. As far as I know, guys don't do anything that comes close. Right?
Rachel Green: — Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler Bing: — We can? Okay, I'm trying that.

— I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick.
— Action or comedy?
— Action.
— Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
— Dude, you are sick.
— I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

— Hi, Tony, can I call you back? That's, uh... That's my sister's boyfriend.
— Give me that. Okay. Sweetie, before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your place? Hi, Mom.

— Wait. What am I gonna do?
— You? You go long.
— Well, how long?
— Until we start to look very small.

— Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
— Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

— Oh, I am having the best karma this week. <...>
— What about that, uh, bike messenger you hit?
— Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.

— Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality sphinx cat.
— How much did you pay for that?
— It was extravagant, but I got a good deal.
— How much?
— Thousand bucks.
— On a cat?
— My grandma had one when I was little. It was the sweetest thing. It would sit in my lap and just purr all day long. I would drag a string and it would chase it.
— Free cats do that too, you know.

— I think about whose apartment we'll sleep at tomorrow and where we'll have dinner next Saturday! I do not think about our children's names! You know what our children's names will be?
— Ha, ha, no. No, I mean, you know. I read a book, and there was a girl named Emily. And I thought that might be good.
— What was the book?
— The Big Book of Children's Names.

— Anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood?
— How about Tony's? If you finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
— Anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?

— I don't know what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
— Just say what you feel, Joey.
— Marcel, I'm hungry.

— Hey, Ross? I got a science question. If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, "homo" sapiens... is that why they're extinct?
— Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
— Hey, I'm not judging.