If only these walls could talk. Then people would pay to see my talking walls.

— Mom, are those rabbits dead?
— No, Lisa, they’re just sleeping... upside down... and inside out.

Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy. A dinosaur!

Homer, we gotta do something. Today, he's drinking people's blood. Tomorrow, he could be smoking!

Oh my God! Space aliens. Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

Planes! Get out of my airspace.

— Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?
— Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
— Even you?
— Especially me.

— What the hell's menopause?
— Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.

— Well at least I went down like a man.
You look like a Malaysian transsexual.

— What are you doing, boy?
— Reading prayers and ignoring them, just like God.

Look, Marge! Maggie lost her baby legs!

— I can't believe it took us forty minutes to get here. Why can't they build a stamp museum closer to our house?
— Dad, you fought tooth and nail to get it away from our house.
— Lisa, when you have as many concussions as I have, consistency is... something, something... I love you, Bart.

— See that fat lady with the moustache? That's you.
— See that hippo rolling in dung? You're the dung.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!