Lisa Simpson

— Really?
— Yeah. Well, we're all somebody's children.

— Did you wreck the car?
— No.
— Did you raise the dead?
— Yes!
— But the car's ok?
— Uh-huh.
— Alright then.

— Who wants to put on a leotard and get screamed at.
— Well, hookers and Spider-man.

— Oh, my God, I do want a brother.
— You can have mine, but he's kinda lame.

— Mom, are those rabbits dead?
— No, Lisa, they’re just sleeping... upside down... and inside out.

— I'll go, disguised as you.
— What if he wants to hold hands?
— I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
— What if he wants a kiss?
— I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
— What if he...
— You don't want to know how far I'll go.

— Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
— What are we gonna have?
— Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison.
— What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
— Poison pizza.
— Oh, no. I'm not making two stops.

— Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?
— Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
— Even you?
— Especially me.

— Dad, don’t act like Mussolini.
— Ooh, I thought I was doing Donald Trump.

Ugh, Bart, please! I'm trying to hear Dr. House's third incorrect diagnosis before his final correct diagnosis!

— I can't believe it took us forty minutes to get here. Why can't they build a stamp museum closer to our house?
— Dad, you fought tooth and nail to get it away from our house.
— Lisa, when you have as many concussions as I have, consistency is... something, something... I love you, Bart.

— See that fat lady with the moustache? That's you.
— See that hippo rolling in dung? You're the dung.

— Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.
— "Unregardless," I will no longer be a slave to this.

— AAHH! There it is! Death!
— It's only Maggie.

No, I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an [with a heavy Irish accent] Irish brogue! [In normal voice] No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!

— Just remember the spirit of the season.
— Is it despair?