— God doesn't take vacations, does he?
— Did you ever hear of the Dark Ages?

— Who are you?
— I'm the one. Creator of the heavens and the earth, alpha and omega.
— Oh, I see where this is going.
— Bruce, I'm God.

— Pugsley, sit in the chair.
— Why?
— So we can play a game.
— What game?
— [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"

— Hey. What's he like?
— God? Lonely... but funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Sex, for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
— Sex is a joke in heaven?
— The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here too.

Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.