Alcohol (drug) Quotes

Why is the rum always gone?

I got so drunk last night. I think I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.

— Did you just order a five-dollar shake?
— Mm-hmm.
— That's a shake? That's milk and ice cream?
— Last I heard.
— That's five dollars? You don't put bourbon in it or nothin'?

Now the question on the tabIe... is how drunk is drunk enough? And the answer is, it's all a matter of brain cells. Brain cells? That's right. Every drink of liquor you take kills 1000 brain cells. But that don't matter, we got billions more. First the sadness cells die, so you smile real big. Then the quiet cells go, so you talk real loud for no reason at all. That's okay,|because the stupid ceIIs go next so everything you say|is reaI smart. And finally... come the memory cells. These are tough sons of bitches|to kill.

— You do drink, don't you?
— Of course, I just said I was a writer.

Yeah, well, time is irrelevant. That's... why they invented Scotch.

I've known you for 35 years. Alcohol has a very bad effect on you. You get hyper, you get aggressive, you get married.