Whiskey is good proofing water. It tells you who’s real and who isn’t.

In pubs sometimes people say things and sometimes it’s the whisky talking. It’s hard to tell which is which.

— I thought you were off the whisky, Arthur.
— Yeah, I am. I'm having a couple now and again to remind myself why I don't drink it.

The Scots are a notoriously dour and repressive people. But they did invent Scotch whiskey, which is a definite plus.