Joey Tribbiani

— What are you guys woofing about?
— Chandler stole a 20 from my purse!
— You know what? Now that I think about it... I constantly find myself without 20s, and you... always have lots.

— Hey. How was basketball?
— It was fun. Right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye.
— Oh, no. Who did that?
— Chandler.

— I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick.
— Action or comedy?
— Action.
— Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
— Dude, you are sick.
— I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

— Is that your new walk?
— No. I really have to pee.

— Are you naked in there?
— Well, not exactly. I'm wearing panties.
— Huh. You, uh, always wear panties?
— No, no. This is the first time.
— Wow. Talk about your bad luck! I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.

— Joe, stop hitting on her, it's her wedding day!
— What? Like there's a rule or something?

— I gotta tell you, you are nothing like I thought you'd be.
— How do you mean?
— I had you pegged as a guy who's always, "Me, me, me!" But you, you're a giver. You're the most generous man I ever met. I mean, you're practically a woman.
— You're just saying that.

— It never takes me more than a week to get over a relationship.
— It never takes you more than a shower to get over a relationship.

— Your dad's in love. The worst part is, it's with two different women.
— Oh, man! Please tell me one of them is Ma.

— You wanna get her something special? Get her flowers. Get her candy. Get her gum. Girls love gum.
— That's a good idea. "Dear Janice: Have a Hubba-Bubba birthday."

— So I figured it out.
— What?
— Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. I'm not sexy enough.
— Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said?
— What?
— I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."

Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna... pull my arm off so I have something to throw at her.

Face your fear. You have a fear of heights? Go to the top of the building. You're afraid of bugs. Get a bug.

If you're gonna do something wrong... do it right.

— I got you something.
— What's this?
— Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
— I don't know what Big Leon told you, but it's a thousand... if you want me for the whole night.

— Look at this! My Big Book of Grievances.
— Hey, there's me! "April 17th, excessive noise... Italian guy comes home with a date." You're in here too.
— "April 18th, excessive noise... Italian guy's gay roommate brings home dry cleaning." Well, that's excellent.