Homer Simpson

I believe the children are our future, unless we stop 'em now!

If only these walls could talk. Then people would pay to see my talking walls.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy. A dinosaur!

Marge, it takes two to lie: One to lie and one to listen.

I'm going to find out what Dondelinger did last summer! Twenty-two years ago! In the winter!

And you something, folks? As ridiculous this sounds, I would rather feel the sweet breath of my beautiful wife on the back of my neck as I sleep than stuff dollar bills into some stranger's g-sting.

Oh my God! Space aliens. Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

Planes! Get out of my airspace.

In France no one calls me a fat jerk! I'm a gourmand!

— Simpson, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?
— I made a bad mistake and Lenny sent me home to think about what I did. But I don't remember what it was, so I'm watching TV.

— Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
— What are we gonna have?
— Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison.
— What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
— Poison pizza.
— Oh, no. I'm not making two stops.

Oh Bart, don't worry, people die all the time. In fact, you could wake up dead tomorrow.

— You promised to take us to the lake.
— I promise you kids lots of things. That's what makes me such a good father!

— Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?
— Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
— Even you?
— Especially me.

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.