Yeah, and I'm not that easily impressed... Wow! A blue car!

— Really?
— Yeah. Well, we're all somebody's children.

Everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.

When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better not laugh your ass off.

— We're gonna be rich! We can finally start a family!
— We have a family.
— A better one.

Aw, I can't build a relationship on a lie. The lies come later.

Lisa, welcome to love. It's full of doubt and pain and uncertainty. But then one day, you find a man you love so much, it hurts.

Sometime, when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile.

— Homer Simpson does not lie twice on the same form. He never has and he never will.
— You lied dozens of times on our mortgage application.
— Yeah, but they were all part of a single ball of lies.

— Gee, sorry for being born.
— I've been waiting so long to hear that!

Stupid risks are what make life worth living.

Yeah. Another day, another box of stolen pens.

— The plant called. They said if you don't come in today, don't bother coming in on Monday.
— Woohoo Four day weekend!

My dream has been shattered into shards of a broken dream!

— ... please God — kill sideshow Bob.
— You can't ask God to kill someone.
— Yeah! You do your own dirty work.

— Did you wreck the car?
— No.
— Did you raise the dead?
— Yes!
— But the car's ok?
— Uh-huh.
— Alright then.