The Simpsons

Please there's gotta be something else I can do. Like mow your lawn every week for two weeks. I can't do it next week.

You know my kids think you're the greatest, and thanks to your gloomy music they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.

— I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
— Son, I am proud of you. I was twice your age when I figured that out.

I've come to hate my own creation! Now I know how God feels.

— Well, maybe pulling pranks is the only thing I'm good at.
— Well, at least you have something you're good at. I'm 38 years old driving a crappy car with a son who doesn't respect me and I'm one snickers pie away from losing my foot to diabetes. Mmmm, snickers pie

Don't worry, head. The computer will do our thinking now.

What's the point of going out? We're just gonna wind up back here anyway.

To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day! But to be hated, you don't have to do squat.

I believe the children are our future, unless we stop 'em now!

If only these walls could talk. Then people would pay to see my talking walls.

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

— Mom, are those rabbits dead?
— No, Lisa, they’re just sleeping... upside down... and inside out.

Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy. A dinosaur!

Marge, it takes two to lie: One to lie and one to listen.

He found out who was cobbling shoes for me at night. Turns out I have severe schizophrenia.