The Simpsons [Season 12]

— Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven.
— Well I’ve got a whole list of chores. Clean the garage, paint the house.
— Woah woah woah. I’m just trying to get in. I’m not running for Jesus.

Don't worry, head. The computer will do our thinking now.

— I'm sorry, Homer. Your H. M. O. doesn't cover this type of injury.
— But I have finger insurance!
— A thumb is not a finger.
— Isn't there anything you can do?
— Well, I could cut off the other thumb for a sense of symmetry.

— Okay, Marge. And who's that gentleman you're with?
— That's no gentleman. That's my husband.
— Wow. Mom got a laugh. I wish she drank every day.