Marriage Quotes

— ...so we do married stuff.
— Fighting, bickering and the occasional quickie?

A marriage where either partner cannot love nor respect the other, that cannot be agreeable to either party.

Pride & Prejudice (1995)

When people say it's nobody's fault, they don't mean that. They mean it's your fault! The nobody's fault things are...hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, acts of God! But when a marriage fails, it's gotta be somebody's fault!

Rapport, Mutual Understanding

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

No wife has ever changed a husband one whit, and don’t you be forgetting that.

Yes, and that's what we call a lie or, when you're married, communication.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Copy quote

Henny Youngman

Funny Quotes

— I'm assuming, since you already took everything else, that you're here for my self-respect, but there's bad news on that one, sweetcheeks. I already gave it to your mom when she begged me to marry you.
— I wouldn't have room for it, what with your testicles in my trophy case.
— Holy cow. Who's better? You got me by the short hairs.

Self-esteem, Self-respect

Funny Quotes

— I'm not gonna drain you completely. You'll be my slave. Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood, you'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be Spot. Welcome to slavery.
— No, thanks. I already had a wife.

Copy quote

From Dusk Till Dawn

Seth Gecko

Santanico Pandemonium

Marriage Of Men

Funny Quotes

I don't believe in it. Good for the man. Lousy for the woman. She dies. She suffocates. I've seen it. Then the husband complains to everyone that he's fucking a dead person. And he's the one who killed her.

Copy quote

The Witches of Eastwick

Because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything — the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... All of it. All the time, every day. You're saying, "Your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness."

— You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work. It's compromise. Do you always like it? No. Do you do it? Yes. Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky... coffee at Central Perk. It's real life, okay? It's what grownups do.
— I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much.

Copy quote