How I Met Your Mother

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.

Legen...waiting for it...dary!

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary unless your friends are there to see it.

— No, it's not an adventure, it's a mistake!
— Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, "Yep. That was a mistake."
So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not.
— I dunno, you said mistake a lot.

Barney Stinson: — So how'd it all go down between you and Bilson?
Marshall Eriksen: — Well, after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four-pronged approach that really brought him to his knees.
Barney Stinson: — Hit him with a chair?
Marshall Eriksen: — Yep.

Nothing, and everything, is possimpible.

— My hair! Look at my hair! She ruined my hair! I look like one of the Backstreet Boys!
— You totally do! And not even the good Backstreet Boys, but the older, lame dance move, comeback tour Backstreet Boys.

I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it!

The only difference between my life and porn is my life has better lighting.

We wait three days to call a woman. Because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.

The Olive Theory it's based on my friends Marshall and Lilly. He hates olives, she loves them. In a weird way that's what makes them such a great couple, perfect balance.

You know who likes long distance? Girls. It's all talking and no sex. Kill me now.

— Whatcha doing?
— A rain dance.
— Dude, that's not a rain dance, that's a fat kid with a bee in his pants.

— Why are you sleeping in our tub?
— The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.

— Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool, gourmet cheeses.
— Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.