Monica Geller

— Hey, Pheebs. You know what I'm thinking?
— Oh, okay. How... it's been so long since you've had sex... you're wondering if they've changed it?
— No. Although now that's what I'm thinking.

— Have you guys eaten? Uh, Richard and I just finished, and we've got leftovers. Chicken and potatoes. What am I wearing? Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
— One of these times, you'll really be naked and we won't come over.

— I had to turn down a job catering a funeral for 60 people.
— Oh, my God! What happened?
— Sixty guests.

— This is just like my parents' divorce... which is when I first started smoking.
— Weren't you 9?
— Yeah. I'm telling you something, that first smoke after naptime...

— Is that a hickey?
— Oh, no, I just... I fell down.
— On someone's lips?

— My diary! Brilliant! If I'd said it was my diary, she wouldn't have made me read it.
— That's true. You'd be a great person to have around after an emergency.

— Monica, if you want, I can lend you money.
— No, no. If I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
— Oh. Then why don't you borrow it from Mom and Dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. Might as well make some money off of them.

— What do I smell? I smell smoke. Did you smoke?
— Yes. But I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two pack... A carton. Three big fat cartons in two days.

Isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life... without even knowing it?

— Hello, people who do not live here.
— Hi.
— I gave you a key for emergencies.
— We were out of Doritos.

— A glass is on the table with no coaster. A cold drink. A hot day. Beads of condensation are inching closer to the wood...
— Stop it!

— Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
— Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend... who my parents actually preferred.

Chandler Bing: — I'm back in high school, in the middle of the cafeteria... and I realize I'm totally naked.
Monica Geller: — I've had that dream.
Chandler Bing: — Then I look down and I realize there is a phone... there.
Joey Tribbiani: — Instead of...
Chandler Bing: — That's right!
Joey Tribbiani: — That one, I've never had.
Chandler Bing: — No. All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. And it turns out it's my mother. Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.

Just be yourself... but not too much.

— Hey, Mon, what is this?
— Oh, um... That's my bathing suit from high school. I was a little bigger then.
— Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rains.

— I heard that.
— Well, I said it loud.