Friends [Season 1, Episode 1]

Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it!

— Hi.
— This guy says "hello," I wanna kill myself.

— You can't live off your parents your whole life.
— I know that. That's why I was getting married.

Okay, okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.

— I hope she'll be very happy.
— No, you don't.
— No, I don't. To hell with her. She left me!

— Joe, stop hitting on her, it's her wedding day!
— What? Like there's a rule or something?

All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers, it doesn't make much of a difference.

— Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
— Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

Chandler Bing: — I'm back in high school, in the middle of the cafeteria... and I realize I'm totally naked.
Monica Geller: — I've had that dream.
Chandler Bing: — Then I look down and I realize there is a phone... there.
Joey Tribbiani: — Instead of...
Chandler Bing: — That's right!
Joey Tribbiani: — That one, I've never had.
Chandler Bing: — No. All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. And it turns out it's my mother. Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.

— My brother's going through that. He's such a mess. How did you get through it?
— He might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers. Say her...
— Leg?

No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura. Just leave my aura alone, okay? I'll be fine. All right? Really.

Joey Tribbiani: — All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? Strip joints! Come on, you're single. Have some hormones.
Ross Geller: — See, but I don't want to be single, okay? I just wanna be married again.
Chandler Bing: — And I just want a million dollars!

Monica Geller: — There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with.
Joey Tribbiani: — Come on. You're going out with a guy. There's gotta be something wrong with him.
Chandler Bing: — So does he have a hump and a hair piece?

Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.