Dr. Watson

— I need to get some air. We're going out tonight.
— Actually I've got a date.
— What?
— It's where two people who like each other go out and have fun.
— That's what I was suggesting.
— No it wasn't. At least I hope not.

Intelligent, fine. Let's give "smart-arse" a wide berth.

— So why are you talking to me?
— Mrs Hudson took my skull.
— So I'm basically filling in for your skull?
— Relax, you're doing fine.

You... you told me once.... that you weren't a hero. Erm, there were times when I didn't even think you were human, but let me tell you this, you were...the best man...the most human...human being that I've ever known and no-one will ever convince me that you told me a lie, so... there. I was so alone and I owe you so much. But please, there's just one more thing, one more thing, one more miracle, Sherlock, for me, don't be... dead. Would you do that just for me? Just stop it. Stop this.

— No, no, no! Course he's not the boy's father. Look at turn-ups on his jeans!
— I knew it was dangerous. Getting you into crap telly.

— Run! Take my hand.
— Now people will definitely talk.

— You don't seem very afraid.
— You don't seem very frightening.

— There are lives at stake, Sherlock. Actual human lives! Just so I know, do you care about that at all?
— Will caring about them help save them?
— Nope.
— Then I'll continue not to make that mistake.

— No, I know you for real.
— 100 percent?
— Well, nobody could fake being such an annoying dick all the time.

[Looking at the mannequin hanging by the throat]
— So did you just talk to him for a really long time?

— Did he offer you money to spy on me?
— Yes.
— Did you take it?
— No.
— Pity, we could have split the fee. Think it through next time.

— There's a woman lying dead.
— Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.

— Don't staring.
— You're staring!
— We can't both stare.

— We should call the police.
— Yes.[Shoots five times in the air] On their way.

— That's how you get your kicks, isn't it? You risk your life to prove you're clever.
— Why would I do that?
— Because you're an idiot.