Scrubs [Season 5, Episode 5]

— As a matter of fact, I'd... like you to be the boy's godfather.
— I... am honored.
— I... am lying.

Everyone, this is my sister, Paige. I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about.

— I don't see why you can't be there for the major events in Jack's life.
— I'd love to see him turn three.
— The major events, Paige: His graduation, his wedding, his divorce and his funeral. The big four.

Helping someone move is like oral sex: you do it once and then they owe you for life!

— How'd you end up with a bornagain Christian sister?
— I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken one day and she picked up the Bible and found it to be just a darn good read. Or maybe it had something to do with our mother's ability to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room. What do you think, Newbie?
— Probably the room to room thing.