Alcoholism Quotes

I sometimes wonder if I should just become an alcoholic. It means you've always got something to do.

— How'd you end up with a bornagain Christian sister?
— I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken one day and she picked up the Bible and found it to be just a darn good read. Or maybe it had something to do with our mother's ability to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room. What do you think, Newbie?
— Probably the room to room thing.

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You remember how you told us about Kirsten's obsession with chocolate candy when you first met? Well, a very perceptive psychologist might've told you then that she was a potential alcoholic, but neither of you would have believed him and besides he might have been wrong. Joe, how many strawberries does it take to start an allergy and which is the one that gives you the hives? Alcoholism is an illness. It's pretty hard to diagnose an illness until you've got it.

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Days of Wine and Roses

Rad Leland

I tried to mask the pain by drowning myself in cocaine and alcohol until I thought I was the Pope. I used to walk the streets in Soviet and Nazi uniforms. I put a sign outside my house encouraging burglars and left my front door open. I would lie under the bed wearing night vision goggles waiting for people to come in – and they never did. The intruders never came, the fucking cocksuckers. I was a complete mess.

Dave: Hello. My name is Dave, and I'm an alcoholic.
Eric: Hello, Dave. My name is Eric, and I'm a floor manager.
Dave: I prefer my hobby.
Eric: Some nights, so would I.