I'm going to tell you something, there's two types of guys out there, the ones that hold your hand and the ones that fuck you.

Hello, 911. I'm on fire.

You men have no idea what we’re dealing with. Teeth placement and jaw stress, and suction and gag reflex. And all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing!

— I lost my orgasm.
— In the cab?

Men are for fucking, women for friendship.

If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world… And at the same time have our hands free.

— I'm thirty-five!
— Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.