Bart Simpson

— See that fat lady with the moustache? That's you.
— See that hippo rolling in dung? You're the dung.

— I want to be emancipated.
— Emancipated! Don't you like bein' a dude?

— Dad, is this art or is it vandalism?
— That's for the courts to decide.

— Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!
— He was a zombie?

— Warm. No, cold. Colder. Ice cold.
— You know where my keys are?
— No, I'm talking about your breakfast.

There is no such thing as a soul. It's just something parents made up to scare children, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

Eat my shorts!

— I thought we were going to breakfast.
— First, we're visiting grampa.
— No fair, we just went to church.
— So we already heard stories from thousands of years ago that didn't happen.

— Uh, you know that's a boy, right?
— Oh, I thought she was peein' out of her nipple.