Your sarcasm is wasted on me, you giant pregnant beast.

So maybe sometimes bad things do happen for a reason. Or how getting suspended can get a relationship back on track. Or how facing a tough situation can bring you closer together. Be careful, though, because around here, if you start believing that bad things happen for a reason, it hurts that much more when they don't.

You have been wrong about so many things that I'm not even going to say something's «wrong» any more. Instead, I'm going to say, «It's Dorian». And the fact that you'd be willing to skip seeing that child's heartbeat for the first time is just plain Dorian.

— I once snuck a mongoose in this thing to kill all the snakes.
— Why were there snakes in here?
— I snuck them in to kill all the mice.

Don't say hate, gandhi, you keep through that word around so much it's lost all of its meaning. Now I have to find another word stronger than hate to describe how I feel about others. I mega-loathe you all. Good day.

— My nephew Lance is over there fighting to give those people democracy.
— Oh, so that's why we're over there, and here I thought it was to root out terrorists. Or was it for the oil? Or for Mama Hussein's secret falafel recipe? It got so gosh darn hard to keep track.

Yes, and that's what we call a lie or, when you're married, communication.

Elliot Reid: — Okay, Janitor, Carla's starting to push. Tell Turk.
Janitor: — Got it. Your baby has a tail.
Turk: — I told her to stay away from the microwave.

— You wanna be like everybody else and say, «Everything's gonna be just fine».
— Dude, I'm your best friend. I'll tell you whatever you want me to.

Good morning, reasons why I drink.

I don't care what you think. I'm always gonna believe in people.

— Ok we have a 41 year old male who is as orange as a NBA game ball. Could you help me why?
<...>
— Maybe he use so fake-tan cream. Used it once, turn me orange all over.
— There were no foreign substances found on his skin but kuddos Keith on finally outing yourself.

Pregnant women are among a select group of people who are actually allowed to act insane. Much like sports mascots, local weathermen, theme park performers and that guy with the question-mark jacket who teaches people how to get free money from the government.