Laverne Roberts

— Laverne, what would you give me if I get this jellybean in your cleavage?
— A concussion.

— My nephew Lance is over there fighting to give those people democracy.
— Oh, so that's why we're over there, and here I thought it was to root out terrorists. Or was it for the oil? Or for Mama Hussein's secret falafel recipe? It got so gosh darn hard to keep track.

— Well, everything happens for a reason.
— Are you really trying to tell me that things like New Orleans, AIDS, sugar-free ice cream, crack babies, Hugh Jackman and cancer all happen for a reason? Because I'm sorry, I'm... I'm just not buying that.
— «God works all things for good». Romans, 8:28.
— Bull dinky. Perry Cox, 6'1". A buck eighty-five after lunch.

— Look, if that's the way you choose to see the world, then so be it, but don't you dare try to take this away from me. I've been coming in here every day for 24 years, watching children die and seeing good people suffer, and if I quit believing that there was a bigger plan behind all this, well, I just wouldn't be able to show up tomorrow. So just stop it!
— I'm sorry.
— It's okay. You'd be surprised how many bad things happen around here for a reason.

— «God works all things for good». Romans, 8:28.
— Bull dinky. Perry Cox, 6'1". A buck eighty-five after lunch.