Scrubs [Season 4]

None of us wanted to say what we were thinking: How vulnerable we felt.

— The first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part?
— Sure.
— I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.

— Listen, crash in my garage. I guarantee you there will not be another person in there.
— You're gonna slather jam on my face and sic a family of raccoons on me, aren't you?
— Damn it. I've become predictable.

Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bobble-headed optimists... who walk around vomiting sunshine.

— I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh... Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O. C.', the U. N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything that exists — past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.
— Hugh Jackman's Wolverine! How dare he.

It's amazing how a few simple words can change everything...

I think the second you stop fighting it, time really is on your side.

— Later on today when you are with your residents, I'll come up for something, you'll tell me you're too busy in a manly way, and I will contritely turn around and walk out of the room with my tail between my legs. Problem solved.
— Can you pull off contrite?
— Can you pull off manly way?

That's tough there, Barbie! That was one potent combination of verbal diarrhea and stunned silence.

I am in love with a woman that I hate.

No matter how much we like to pretend otherwise, strong confident women will always have the power over us.

— You actually rank the women of this hospital by their appearance?
— Calm down, Twelve.
— Yes, top twenty!

— How do you celebrate without heroin?
— Uh, with cake mostly.
— Then let's score some cake.

Now if you want to see my dark side, you're going to see my dark side. A — tickletickletickletickle... A — tickletickletickletickletickle...

Dr. Perry Cox: — Kiss my ring.
<...>
Dr. Elliot Reid: — I don't have a ring, but you can kiss my ass.

— Baby, you know if my malpractice insurance goes through the roof, you're going to have to take a step down lifestyle-wise.
— I live in a tiny apartment with my husband, his best friend, and their dead stuffed dog. What's the step down?