Dr. Ben Sobel

— There may have been some unresolved Oedipal conflict.
— English.
— Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.
— Fuckin' Greeks.

— You don't hear the word 'no' that often, do you?
— I hear it all the time. Only it's more like, 'No, no, please, no!'

— I just can't believe it's over between me and Steve. Maybe there's still hope.
— Well, he did take out a restraining order against you. I have to be honest, that's usually not a good sign.

— Anyway, two of the witnesses decided not to testify, and the third guy... he committed suicide.
— How?
— He stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself off a bridge.

— You flew fifteen hundred miles and dragged me out of bed in the middle of the night because you couldn't get an erection?
— Doesn't that prove I'm motivated?
— You can take a pill for that, you know.
— No, that's a cheat. You start with the pills, next thing you know you got implants with pumps. I think a hard-on should be gotten legitimately or not at all.

— Listen, Paul, don't send me any more gifts.
— You didn't like the fountain?
— It's a boundary issue.
— If more people gave from the heart, we'd all be better off.

— You know who I am?
— Yes.
— No you don't.
— Okay.
— You've seen my picture in the papers?
— Yes.
— And no. Sometimes. Never.

— What happened with your wife last night?
— I wasn't with my wife. I was with my girlfriend.
— Are you having marriage problems?
— No.
— Why do you have a girlfriend?
— You're moralizing with me now?
— No, I'm curious. Why do you have a girlfriend?
— I do things with her I can't do with my wife.
— Why can't you do those things with your wife?
— Hey. That's the mouth she kisses my children good night with. Are you crazy?