QI / Quite Interesting

— The point we're making about polar bears is that these are animals that can run at 30 miles an hour, and what you certainly shouldn't do is try to run away from them...
— That's why you should always be with a friend if you encounter a polar bear, because you can't outrun the polar bear; you don't need to. You just need to outrun your friend.
— Very good. Cynical, but excellent.

— It cost 105,000 pounds last year to clean up the pigeon crap from Trafalgar Square.
— Where do pigeons get that sort of money?
<...>
— What else is interesting about pigeons? They can suck.
— Is that how they raised the 105,000?

I knew a landlord of a pub once who used to say to any female customer he liked the look of, "I've got a nine-inch tongue, and I can breathe through my ears!"

— I'll give you an extra two points if you can tell me the longest fence in the world.
— The Great Fence of China!
— It's to keep people off the Great Wall. About ten feet away from it.