Two and a Half Men [Season 6, Episode 13]

— What happened to your money?
— Good question. You know how easy Texas Hold'em looks on TV when you can see the other guys' hole cards?
— Yeah.
— Very different in real life.

— Wow, pregnancy's a wild ride, huh? One minute she's loving and affectionate and the next minute she's, well...
— Cruel? Vengeful? Castrating?
— I was gonna say "moody".
— Wait for it.