The Big Bang Theory Quotes

— Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?
— We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs we don't have to.

— Sheldon, think this through. You're going to ask Howard to choose between sex and Halo.
— No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapons systems.
— You're right, all sex has is nudity, orgasms and human contact.
— My point.

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Two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega. And it is said they were deeply in love but forever separated by the celestial river of the Milky Way. But once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month, Vega cries so hard that all the magpies in the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings so the two lovers can be together for a single night of passion.

You know what vegan chicken and rice is?! It's rice!

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!

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on behalf of the author

— You are not Isaac Newton.
— No, no, that’s true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.

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Leonard Hofstadter

Sheldon Cooper

Very often when women think they're angry, they're really just hungry.

— For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
— You have a sarcasm sign?

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Leonard Hofstadter

Sheldon Cooper

— Why are you crying?
— Because I’m stupid!
— That’s no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

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Sheldon Cooper

Penny

You know, there's a foundational idea in string theory that the whole universe may be a hologram. Well, the holographic principle suggests that what we all experience every day in three dimensions may really just be information on a surface located at the farthest reaches of our cosmos. So it's possible that our lives are really just acting out a painting on the largest canvas in the universe.

— Woman, you're playing with forces beyond your ken.
— Your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

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Penny

Sheldon Cooper

— I'm gonna invite her over. We'll have a nice meal and... chat.
— Chat? We don't chat. At least not offline.

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Season 1

Episode 1

— I don’t like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
— Interesting. You’re afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

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Rajesh Koothrappali

Sheldon Cooper

— Did you hold the baby?
— I did.
— And how did it make you feel?
— Looking into the blank, innocent eyes of a creature that couldn’t begin to comprehend anything I was saying… Basically another day at the office.

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Amy Farrah Fowler

Sheldon Cooper