Bo Burnham Quotes

You argue and you bicker and you fight.
Atheists and Catholics, Jews and Hindus argue day and night.
Over what they think is true.

But no one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.
You pray so badly for heaven knowing any day might be the day that you die.
But maybe life on earth could be heaven.
Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

My love's the type of thing that you have to earn and when you earn it you won't need it.
I'm not gonna give you love just 'cause I know that you want me to.
If you want love then the love's gonna come from you.

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Bo Burnham

From God's Perspective

The world's so fucking sad, bro,
Pain, starvation, Aids.
But I gotta remember there are good things about it too
Like the fact that none of that is happening to me.

I saw an old man get hit by a train.
He didn't see it in the pouring rain.
He didn't hear me shout «Look out for the train»,
Cause I didn't say anything.

I just thought to myself: «Oh, this is gonna be sad».
And it was.
I am a genius.

Want perfect children, a perfect life,
Perfect husband or a perfect wife.
But deep down I know
I don't deserve it.
But
We all deserve love.
Even on the days when we aren't our best,
Cause we all suck,
But love can make us suck less.
We all deserve love,
It's the very best part of being alive.

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Bo Burnham

Lower Your Expectations

About all the sad stuff.
Just picture a depressed onion cutting himself.

I love your hair I love your name I love the way you say it.
I love your heart and you're so smart, 'cause you gave away it.
I love your sis' I love your dad I love your mum.
But more than all of that I love the fact that you are dumb enough,
To not realize everything I've said has been said before.
In a thousand ways in a thousand songs, some with the same four chords.
I also hope that you don't see through
This cleverly constructed ruse
Designed by a marketing team.
Cashing in on puberty and low self-esteem
And girls' desperate need to feel loved
I love my baby and you know I couldn't live without her
But now I need to make every girl think this song's about her
Just to make sure that they spread it like the plague
So I describe my dream girl as really really vague, like
"I love your hands 'cause your fingerprints are like no other
I love your eyes and their blueish brownish greenish color.
I love it when you smile, that you smile wide,
And I love how your torso has an arm on either side.
We know it's not right, we know it's not funny,
But we'll stop beating this dead horse when it stops spitting out money.
But until then, we will repeat stuff.

And love is, a homeless guy... searchin' for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he can't complain cuz he was hungry in the first place.

I went to a store looking for something to buy
But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy
No, wait! This store sells mirrors!
See what I did there?

You shouldn't abstain from pork just 'cause you think that I want you to
You can eat pork 'cause why the fuck would I give a shit?
(I created the universe, think I'd draw the line at the fucking deli aisle?)

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