The Wedding Date

When you're ready to let go, To be un-single and un-miserable, you will.

Let me teach you a trick. If you look people in the eye, they'll never notice what you're wearing.

Here's to the husbands who've won you, the losers who've lost you and the lucky bastards who've yet to meet you.

— You know what pisses me off? I've been spilling my guts all weekend and I don't know anything about you.
— I'm allergic to fabric softener. I'm majoring in comparative literature at Brown. I hate anchovies. I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met.

I feel like crap but I wanna look hot doing it.

Every woman has the exact love life she wants.

I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

Makeup sex is the best kind.

There's no such thing as out of the blue.

The hardest thing's loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours and at the end of the day, you still would rather give up than try, nothing's ever gonna be worth it. Maybe think about it this way. You go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great makeup sex...

— Where did you find him?
— Yellow Pages.

Oh, I should warn you. You know those families where everyone's out of their mind but they're your family so you love them? Mine's not like that. I love my dad. But since he's my stepdad,
he's technically not family. He's more like a hostage.

— It must feel great getting paid just for being you.
— Who says I'm being me?

Weddings are a celebration of love and commitment.… in Utopia. In the real world they're an excuse to drink excessively and say things you shouldn't.