Henry Roth

— If you know her condition, you know she can't have a normal relationship. The next morning, she won't know who he is. And any guy who's okay with that... ain't okay with me.
— I'm not looking for a one-night stand.
— Anything with Lucy is, numb-nuts.

— Okay, let's average it out then. It's the 23rd time for me and the first time for you. That's about our 12th time.
— Yeah?
— Now, Hawaiian law clearly states after the 12th date... I'm entitled to unlimited boob access.

— Do we have sex?
— No, we don't. Just so everybody knows that. We want to.

— Sounds to me like someone is afraid of commitment. Let me guess. Your high school sweetheart got drunk at party... then cheated on you with whole wrestling team.
— Close. Actually, it was my college girlfriend Tracy. And it wasn't a wrestling team. It was her academic advisor.
— Oh, she liked the older man.
— Older women. About 50 years older.

— So how's the cow?
— Same as you. Every day they have to convince her she's a cow.

— Hey, I'm a person, not a seal.
— Well, I am a vet, not a doctor. So just hold still, or I won't give you a treat.