Dr. Gregory House

Religion is a placebo of the masses, not a opiate.

Hey, Wilson! Can't find my pornos!

Here’s how life works. You either get to ask for an apology, or you get to shoot people. Not both.

— Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritable recently.
— And?
— I didn't know it was possible for a woman to be unusually irritable.

You see the world as it is, and you see the world as it could be. What you don't see is what everybody else sees: the giant, gaping chasm in between.

I'm a really good secret keeper, I never told anybody that Wilson wets his bed. Oh, you tricked me.

Win, you live. Lose, you die.

Your lips say "No", your prunes say "Yes"!

Monkey see, monkey do.

Go up his rear and get a smear.

Get a real pregnancy test. You know, the one with the blood and the hormones and the rabbit.

— Plumbum nigrum....

— Merry Christmas.
— And a happy go to hell.

She has God inside of her. Would have been easier to deal with a tumor.

You know, people hate people who have theories about people.

Any plans for turkey day?