Dr. Doug Madsen

— Oh, so I'm the one who did this to you?
— I'm in a hospital. It's easier for me to blame other people for my problems.

— Hey, look here, if Karen calls, OK, I'm at a toilet bowl seminar in Cleveland.
...
— I'm serious. I need y'all to cover for me.
— Yeah, sure.

And the French, who've never won a major battle, they know how to eat!