Two and a Half Men Quotes

Year:

2003 – 2015

Tagline:

«Charlie Lives! (syndication)»

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Country:

USA

Genres:

Comedy, Melodrama

Two and a Half Men Quotes by Category

— She invited me to her house for dinner tonight. I think she wants to have sex.
— With who?
— With me.
— With you? Hang on a second. Nope. No snowballs reported in hell. No sightings of flying pigs.
— What am I gonna do?
— You don't know? Come on, Alan, you were married for 12 years.
— What does marriage have to do with sex?
— Point taken. Okay, you want some tips?
— No, no, nothing like that. I need step-by-step instructions.

— I'd think you'd be happy for me.
— I am happy for you. You had the courage to walk over there with your pus-filled eye and fall on your ass and still got a date with one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I'm not only happy for you, I'm proud of you. Now, I have to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about men, women, relationships, God and the universe. But that's not your problem.

Alan managed to meet a beautiful girl.

Why waste time on 10s when you're already getting rejected by sixes?

— Wow, you went out with her?
— Yep.
— Why would you stop?
— I don't remember. I probably got bored.
— Bored? How do you get bored with that?
— Alan, for every beautiful woman in the world, there's at least one guy out there who's tired of pretending to listen to her in exchange for sex.