The 10th Kingdom [Season 1]

— Virginia, please forgive me. I didn't mean to be so rude. It's just that my cycle is coming on. You see, once a month, I get very irrational and angry and I just wanna pick a fight with anyone who comes near me.
— That sounds familiar.

— I think you know what I'm worried about.
— Is it your hair? I know it's falling out!
— Not my hair, my daughter!
— Your daughter?
— Yes, I need to know if your... intentions are honorable.
— No, not really.
— No?!
— Well I can't deny it. I mean, they're bordering, hovering, teetering on the dishonorable.
— He'll have her on her back before you can say, «Happy ever-after».

I'm not sure whether, I want to love her, or eat her.

And, when you live every day with all your heart, and you can be happy ever after, even if it's only for a short time.

— You've got a tail?
— Yeah, so? You have succulent breasts, I don't go on about them all the time, do I?

— Oh, it's about time. Where's the wood? For the fire?
— Oh, we couldn't find any.
— Couldn't find any wood? In a forest?

— This could be a long torture session.
— I'll tell you anything you want to know.
— Torture first, then you talk.

Rare implies dangerously cooked. When I say, «rare», I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me.

— It's no use. The man is a complete idiot.
— If only. Now my father, he was a complete idiot. I'm still a half-wit.

— Because your hurt is very great.
— They just split up okay? God! Doesn't that ever happen where you come from?
— Of course not. We either live happily ever after, or we get killed by horrible curses.

— I have a hard time trusting people. I just never wanna jump unless... I'm sure somebody's gonna catch me.
— Oh, I'll catch you. And if I miss for any reason, I'll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health.

I've got some dwarf moss and it'll really blow your head off though. Look at this, the last time I took it I saw fairies for three days.

What is it with you people? What kind of twisted upbringing did you have? You know why can't you just say: «Oh, that'll be a hundred gold coins?» Why does it always have to be, No, not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on a giant's ass?

When the students are ready, the teacher appears.

Tooth decay is caused by three things. Number one, poor diet. Number two, not brushing properly. And number three... Bad fairies.

— Oh! They provoked me.
— Provoked you to what?
— Provoked me to nothing, but they sure were tryin'.