— Tell him my most important rule, Ted.
— Too much ''ha-ha'', pretty soon ''boo-hoo''.
— My other rule.
— If you don't look for a mistake, you can't find one.
— That's right, Teddy bear. Now, stop looking for trouble just because you like this patient, and face the facts. Remove him, Ted.
— That ''ha-ha'' rule is true.

You could have been back into my good graces and instead you passed the credit on to a nurse. How noble. I tell you what, I'll get the cafeteria staff to write «Was it worth it?» on a big cake for you.

I can't believe your head exploded. If it does, you'll never make it as a doctor.

Notice how quickly people make an impression.
— I am a tool. I am a tool. I am a tool, tool, tool. An unbelievably annoying tool.

— You're right, he definitely has a cute little butt.
— It's almost like it's been sculpted.
— Who cares? Everybody's got a cute butt. I have a cute butt.
— You should bring it in some day.

— Dr Weisenheimer's back. How was your ski trip?
— I'm confused.
— You annoy me.
— Now I get it.

You slept with your best friend! This will be a disaster unless you say the right thing, so choose your words carefully. Great job last night, buddy!

— Stick with the truth and you can't get hurt. Always been my philosophy.
— You didn't sleep with her, did you?
— God, no. Philosophy is tricky.

You, honest to God, get me so angry I'm afraid I might hurt myself.

It felt weird trying to push Nick on her. This morning I wanted to kill him. He's so nice, he probably would've helped me.

Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever. If you keep living and dying on whether or not a person changes, well... You're not gonna make it as a doctor.

— I'm assuming, since you already took everything else, that you're here for my self-respect, but there's bad news on that one, sweetcheeks. I already gave it to your mom when she begged me to marry you.
— I wouldn't have room for it, what with your testicles in my trophy case.
— Holy cow. Who's better? You got me by the short hairs.

Do you know what you've just done? You just lost all lapdog privileges.

Just cos a guy has problems expressing himself, that doesn't mean he doesn't need... you.