Four Rooms

I am coming up there right this minute! If there is no dead body in that room by the time I get up there, I'm gonna make one!

— Let's just leave the kids here.
— Here in the room? By themselves?
— No... with the television.

I only let people with loaded guns at my head call me Theodore.

You kids are getting expensive.

Ted, do you know how long it takes the average American to count to six hundred? One minute less than it takes to count to seven hundred.

Listen, kid, stay clear of... night clerks, kids, hookers and married arguments.

The less a man makes declarative statements, the less he's apt to look foolish in retrospect.

— There's a dead body in my bed.
— Nonsense! That's just your brother sound asleep!