Stanley Goodspeed

— Well, there's a problem, sir. He's got a gun.
— What do you have, a fuckin' water pistol?

— Oh, just some terrorists decided to send a little care package, box of goodies... which had to be neutralized before blowing up the office. So I took the rest of the day off. Glass of wine, little guitar. Just relaxing. The world is being Fed-Ex'd to hell on a handcart. I really believe that anyone who's even thinking about having a child in this world... is coldly considering an act of cruelty. I know, I'm rambling, I'm complaining. I'm sorry. What's your news, baby?
— I'm pregnant.

— You enjoying this?
— Well, it's certainly more enjoyable than my average day. Reading philosophy, avoiding gang rape in the washroom. Though it's less of a problem these days. Maybe I'm losing my sex appeal.