Sheldon Cooper

— For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
— You have a sarcasm sign?

— Why are you crying?
— Because I’m stupid!
— That’s no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

— Woman, you're playing with forces beyond your ken.
— Your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

— I don’t like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
— Interesting. You’re afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

— Did you hold the baby?
— I did.
— And how did it make you feel?
— Looking into the blank, innocent eyes of a creature that couldn’t begin to comprehend anything I was saying… Basically another day at the office.