Professor Sheldon "Shelly" Oberon

— Where's my phone? I look like a living garden gnome. Where is my phone?
— Who cares?
— We are in different people's bodies!
— It doesn't seem like the most pressing concern — at this moment.
— Really? You don't think this would be a good moment to make a phone call, or text somebody or change your status to "stuck in a freaking video game"?

— So that means I… I'm…
— Wait, Bethany. Bethany, don't!
— No! I'm an overweight, middle-aged man?

— Are you okay?
— That was so intense. I, like, can't even with this place.
— What just happened to you?
— I got eaten by a rhino, and then I fell, like, a thousand feet from the sky.
— Yeah, that's what it looked like.
— That was a hippo. They're omnivorous. They're as fast as a horse over short distances, and they have the bite force of 8100 newtons. How do I know this?
— You're an expert in zoology.
— What? I'm still an old fat guy, right?
— I'm afraid so.