Peter Simon

— I'm not gay.
— I didn't write that part!
— I'm straight.
— Since when?
— I suppose I first noticed when I was around 8. I thought it was just a phase, you know, but eventually I had to accept the truth. I like women.

— Because he's smart and sweet and decent and I don't want to hurt him. So I keep hoping that I'll grow into it. That maybe one day I'll wake up and I'll feel...
— What?
— In love! You know, dizzy and feverish and nauseous...
— That's not love, Jacks. That's the flu.

— You're never going to find anyone with that attitude.
— What attitude? I'm just being realistic.
— If you're realistic, then I'm the Queen of England.
— Hey! I'm the Queen of England!
— Hello, your Majesty!

What's the point of shagging someone ad nauseam if you know you're never going to love them?

The point is, Everyone's miserable because they're looking for this nonexistent 'thing,' or else they're miserable because they think they've
settled for less.

— I was just up most of the night thinking...
— About?
— Oh, love and other disasters.