Paolo Sarmiento

— I'm not gay.
— I didn't write that part!
— I'm straight.
— Since when?
— I suppose I first noticed when I was around 8. I thought it was just a phase, you know, but eventually I had to accept the truth. I like women.

— Sorry, I'm late! I was in the middle of an absolutely gripping book. I couldn't put it down.
— Oh, what book's that?
— My memoirs, darling.