Nathan Young

— We should set up a password. Then we can say it to each other so we know it’s us.
— Monkeyslut!
— We are not having ‘monkeyslut’ as a password.
— What are the chances of that being used in a normal conversation? Kind of low, no?
— Alright, just go with it. Monkeyslut.
— Yeeaaah!

— Are you telling me you're gay or something?
— Gay, straight, retarded...why do we have to put a label on everything?

We're young. We're supposed to drink too much. We're supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other's brains out. We are designed to party. This is it. Yeah, so a few of us will overdose or go mental. But Charles Darwin said you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. And that's what it's all about breaking eggs! And by eggs, I do mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of Class As. If you could just see yourselves! It breaks my heart. You're wearing cardigans! We had it all. We fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us. We were so beautiful! We're screw-ups. I'm a screw-up and I plan to be a screw-up until my late 20s, maybe even my early 30s. And I will shag my own mother before I let her... or anyone else take that away from me!

And your jewelry! Who says you can't buy an engagement ring and a George Foreman grill at the same time?

— I'm going to take a shit in his bed.
— What?
— I don't think you should do that.
— We need to send a message; let him know he can't fuck with us.
— And how does taking a shit in his bed do that exactly?
— Well, they did it in The Godfather.
— ... They put a horse's head in the bed.
— Well, have you got a horse's head?

— And you, you little freak! What was that on the roof?
— I tried to save you.
— You failed spectacularly, didn't you?

He's not a werewolf, OK. This guy is such a pussy, he needs my mum to open jars for him. If he was a werewolf he'd be able to open a jar of peanut butter for himself.